Remedy for Grief
by VandyFNP
Summary: Everything he tried to help control his grief was pointless. There was only one thing that helped. It always allowed him to forget, at least for a short time. However, Spock was starting to feel that he was using the woman he loved in a way no Vulcan would have ever approved.


Spock sat on the floor in his quarters trying in vain to meditate. Since the loss of Vulcan and his mother he had found inner peace increasingly elusive. His meditation sessions had become more like exercises in frustration. No matter how he tried to calm himself and control his emotions, his deep sense of grief and loss refused to be suppressed. He had chosen the Vulcan beliefs which valued logic over emotion long ago, but lately he was finding it difficult to maintain serenity.

Spock had always known it was a bit cliché. The son striving to make a somewhat overbearing father proud. Always working, never quite achieving what his father expected of him. It was his desire to gain his father's approval that had led him to choose to embrace his Vulcan side over his Human side. After all, he had always known that his mother would love him no matter what. "I only want you to be happy," had been her constant refrain. He had never once told her that he loved her. How he regretted that now.

He stood up in frustration. Everything he tried to help control his grief was pointless. There was only one thing that helped. It always allowed him to forget, at least for a short time. However, Spock was starting to feel that he was using the woman he loved in a way no Vulcan would have ever approved. Not that Nyota seemed to mind. He knew that she had been struggling since the loss of the fleet and so many of her friends. Still, that fact didn't make his motivations correct. As he stood there staring out at the stars he came to a decision. He needed to take a brief hiatus from their physical relationship and focus on furthering their emotional one. He wasn't exactly sure many Vulcans would approve of this either, after all emotions were involved, but it seemed the only logical course to him.

There was a knock on the door. Actually it sounded more like someone was kicking it.

"Come in."

The kicking sound continued. Spock walked over and opened the door.

The object of his affection stood there holding two dinner trays. "Hungry?" She asked, offering one to him.

"Yes, thank you," he replied. Nyota was always so thoughtful.

They sat at his small table eating in companionable silence. Once they were finished, Nyota stood and began to collect the dirty dishes. "I'd better get these back to the kitchen and into the dish refresher."

"Wait," he said taking her hand gently. "I'll do that later." He led her over to his 'loveseat,' as she called it, and they sat together.

"Nyota, I need to speak with you. I hope that you won't be offended or angry."

"Angry? Why would I be angry?"

Spock took a deep breath. Both his parents had always instilled in him the importance of telling the truth. In this instance he wondered if that was the best idea. Still, he firmly believed that relationships had to be based on trust.

"You know that I enjoy spending time with you. Our relationship has been a great source of comfort to me during a very difficult time. However, I feel that I am behaving in a very ungentlemanly manner."

Nyota's eyebrows rose in apparent surprise and she opened her mouth to speak. Spock placed his index finger over her lips. "Please allow me to finish. This is most difficult. I have been taking advantage of our physical relationship in order to assuage my grief. This is very wrong of me, and I wish to apologize. I also wish to take a break from that aspect of things for a short time, if you are agreeable."

By the time he finished, Nyota had begun to stare quite fixedly at his knees. He knew it. His confession had made her angry. Would she leave? He tilted her chin up forcing her to make eye contact with him and was startled to find her lips twitching as though she were trying to hide a smile.

"Are you laughing at me?" He asked, somewhat perturbed.

"I'm sorry, Love." She replied. "Did I offend your delicate Vulcan sensibilities?"

Spock didn't know how to respond. He had always endured her gentle teasing with silence and a quirked eyebrow. The truth was he enjoyed it. She didn't tease any of their other crew mates, so he knew it to be a sign of her affection for him.

"I appreciate your honesty; however, no apology is necessary. It may astonish you to know that I have been doing the same thing. Personally, I don't care for the idea of 'taking a break,' as you put it, but if you feel that is necessary I will agree."

Spock tried to decide what would be best. He didn't like the idea of forgoing his greatest source of comfort now that Nyota had given him the go ahead, but he still thought it might be the right thing to do. For a time at least.

"Let's just see where the evening takes us," he finally responded. He put one arm around her and pulled her closer. She nestled comfortably against his side and rested her head on his shoulder. "An excellent notion."

"Tell me more stories of your childhood on Earth."

"Well, as you know, my father was quite fond of taking us on picnics..." Nyota began.

Spock forced himself to focus on the sound of her voice instead of the sensation of her body pressing against his. He attempted to picture her as a child wandering across a lush, green Earth landscape with a basket of food. To his delight, he found the tension that had refused to leave his body during his attempt to meditate slowly slipping away.

* * *

**A/N: **I love Zachary Quinto. Both in "Star Trek" and "Heroes." I'm so glad the writers of "Star Trek" decided to give Spock a romance. Boys will be boys, even if they are half or all Vulcan.


End file.
